Four Times Clara's Day Went Wrong and One Time It Went Right
by Irrepressable
Summary: Sometimes Clara Oswald's days go horribly wrong. Other times her days go completely right. Thankfully, when her days go wrong, the Doctor is always there for her.


**Hello, dear readers! 'Tis me again. I've decided to take a break from long stories for a while and maybe write and post a few oneshots. Fueled by coffee and inspired by the home screen on my phone, I've decided to write this story. You might find it funny. It will also teach you a lesson of how, if someone does manage to guess your phone's password, it can be fun to fuck with their minds. So, dear readers, I present to you **_**Four Times Clara's Day Went Wrong and One Day It Went Right**_

**BTW, when my mom read this fic, it kind of reminded her of the Toby Keith song, _You Shouldn't Kiss Me Like This_. Though I hate country music with a burning passion, I can't help but agree after listening to the song.**

oooooooooooooooooo

_Wardrobe Malfunction_

_5:01 AM_

Clara bolted upright to the sound of loud crackling, a shout, and a loud thud. She flailed, tangled in her covers, and fell out of bed. What the hell was happening? Displaying her complete lack of self-preservation instincts, she grabbed the nearest potentially harm-inflicting object- a pen that she had used to mark papers- and headed to find out just what had happened. She headed out into her living room and saw that the TARDIS was there. How had she slept through it arriving? Clara noticed that the door was open and carefully walked in. She was dressed in an oversized, somewhat threadbare T-shirt that went down to just above her knees. She wasn't really dressed for danger. She walked into the console room, her eyes sweeping across the room for danger. Suddenly, she heard the Doctor's voice call out, "Clara!"

Clara looked all around the room, but the Time Lord was no where in sight. "Doctor?" she called the Time Lord's name.

"Clara!" the Doctor called out again.

"Doctor, where are you?" Clara asked. "You haven't gotten stuck invisible again, have you?"

There was the sound of one of the Doctor's exasperated sighs. He then said, "I'm up here, Clara!"

Clara immediately looked up to see the Doctor suspended from the ceiling by a pair of futuristic-looking, high-tech boots. "Doctor!" Clara gasped. She then asked, "How did you get up there?"

"Wardrobe malfunction." the Doctor replied.

Clara raised a brow. The Time Lord let out another exasperated sigh and clarified, "Apparently, madam here," He glared at the TARDIS' time rotor. "does not have the files relating to the manual for these Nike Xelrigon 7 running boots."

"Wait, Nike?" Clara questioned.

"The Xelrigon 7s are a 52nd-century model." the Doctor explained. "They are very, very comfortable and perfectly suited for running. Unfortunately, there was a recall of the Xelrigon 7E for sudden magnetic repulsion and attraction. I thought these were 7Fs. Now I'm stuck here."

"You bought shoes and now you're stuck on the ceiling?" Clara questioned.

"Yes, now get me down!" the Doctor barked.

"No need to yell!" Clara snapped. "How am I supposed to get you down?"

"The sonic is on the console." the Doctor pointed at the indicated device. "Use setting 3128."

Clara took the screwdriver and pointed it up at the Doctor. She activated setting 3128. The device emitted its typical whirring sound and there was suddenly the sound of at least a dozen straps of velcro and zippers being undone, followed by a high-pitched hum. Then the Doctor fell down from the ceiling with a shout, landing directly on Clara. Fortunately, she was not injured. "Owww!" Clara groaned.

"My boots are still stuck on the ceiling." the Doctor said. "On the bright side, neither of us is seriously injured."

The Doctor removed himself from his companion, stood up, and dusted himself off. Clara dragged herself to her feet and glared at the Time Lord. The Doctor, puzzled, raised one of his mighty eyebrows. "What?" he asked.

"Nothing." Clara ground out. "It's nothing."

The boots suddenly became unstuck from the ceiling. They fell to the ground, one hitting Clara on the head and knocking her out. When she came to, she saw the Doctor hovering over her, a concerned look on his face. Clara sat up and rubbed her head. "How long was I out?" she asked.

The Doctor fidgeted uneasily. A bit more firmly, Clara asked, "Doctor, what time is it?"

"Well," the Doctor said, "at least I have a time machine that can take you back a few hours so you won't be late to educate the youth to ensure that their brains are slightly less pudding-like."

"_WHAT_?!" Clara shouted.

"Time machine." the Doctor said. "No need to worry. I won't be late this time."

oooooooooooooooooooooooo

_Oh God, It Burns_

_12-ish PM_

Clara sat down to eat her lunch. She had barely gotten to work in time. She taught many students throughout the day and things had been very difficult. At one point, she had lost her phone. Thankfully, a student found it and returned it. However, that student was Courtney Woods. Clara was suspicious, but she nonetheless thanked the girl. Still, the teacher had things to do during her lunch break. One of them was checking social media. Facebook was usually her first choice. She opened her phone up and was about to put in the password when the ever-delicious Danny Pink stepped into the teacher's lounge. He smiled at her and she smiled back. The handsome maths teacher sat down next to her to enjoy his lunch. "Rough day?" he asked.

"You know it." Clara sighed. "It was a long morning and still long. One would think that at least three-fourths of these students would know the difference between they're, there, and their."

"Ouch." Danny grimaced.

"I was almost late today because a pair of shoes decided to malfunction." Clara said in a half-lie, not wanting to mention the rather touchy subject of a certain Time Lord.

"Wardrobe malfunctions happen to the best of us." Danny chuckled. "I remember this buddy of mine, Jorgenson. He-"

Danny then proceeded to tell Clara one of the many stories that he had about his past, which weren't nearly as interesting as the Doctor's stories. Still, the English teacher nodded and tried to pay attention. Danny was an interesting man, Clara reminded herself. He wasn't boring at all. He was good-looking, smart, and very sweet. She wasn't going to think about a certain alien who was attractive, clever, and grumpy but sweet. Nope. All this was about Danny. She was _not_ bored by Danny. "-and he was lucky that he found the scorpion in his boot, otherwise things would have gotten ugly." Danny finished.

"I hate scorpions." Clara shuddered.

"Where would you have seen a scorpion?" Danny asked.

The maths teacher had a thoughtful expression and he drew a conclusion that caused him to frown. Suddenly, things were extremely awkward. Thankfully, a distraction occurred. The microwave, which was heating up Danny's lunch, suddenly broke with a loud pop. The math teacher cleared his throat and said, "I'll, ah, go call someone to fix that."

Clara nodded and watched Danny leave the room. As she was finishing her lunch, she took out her phone and pressed the button to open the screen. She then input the password and pressed 'ok'. The image on her home screen had changed. It had changed from a picture of a plate of sushi to an image of furries doing something that was seared into Clara's retinas forever. She almost lost her lunch from what she saw. Trembling in nausea and disgust, she changed her home screen to the first picture she saw in her gallery. Clara realized that somehow, Courtney woods must have guessed her password and changed her home screen. That left the terrifying thought of how a student could get their hands on an image of such horrors. Clara looked down at her home screen. It was an image of her and the Doctor at an Old West immersion simulation. They were both wearing authentic period clothes and she had her arm in the Doctor's. In the picture, she was grinning broadly at the Doctor and he was trying to look grumpy, but she could see the almost-smile tugging at the corner of the Time Lord's lips. She liked it when he smiled. She couldn't help but smile at the picture herself. It was then that Danny walked back in. He took one look at her home screen, frowned, and walked away. Clara sighed. Well, that could have gone better. Now Danny was upset again and it would probably take hours of cute cat videos for that horrible furry image to go away.

oooooooooooooooooooooo

_The Jacket_

_6:00 PM_

Clara rubbed her arms, her teeth chattering. She absolutely was not prepared for this cold place somewhere in the countryside of a cold, rainy planet. She wasn't alone, thought. That was a good thing and a bad thing. The Doctor, unsurprisingly, was with her. Unfortunately, he was currently bickering with the third person with them: Danny Pink. "This is your fault." Danny said, teeth chattering. "You and your alien friends."

"How is it my fault?" the Doctor asked, clearly irritated. "You were the one who got abducted by aliens! Aliens that, by the way, are _not_ friends of mine."

"Doctor, let's just find a way to get out of here." Clara said.

"Right." the Doctor said. He stuck his finger in the air, licked it, and said, "We're stuck for now."

"_WHAT?!_" Danny barked.

"Quit yelling, PE." the Time Lord said with a great deal of annoyance in his voice. "I said _for now_."

"Maths." the human male corrected.

"What do you mean by 'for now'?" Clara asked.

"Well, I've gotten stuck on this planet before." the Doctor said. "I've programmed the TARDIS to come here to pick me up if I'm on my planet and haven't called within three hours."

"How long have we been here?" Danny asked.

"Thirty minutes and six seconds." the Doctor replied.

"Great." Danny groaned. "Just great!"

"We've waited longer in worse conditions." Clara said. "The Doctor and I, I mean."

"Right." Danny grumbled. "You and _the Doctor_."

"We'll need something to do while we wait." Clara said. "Anyone have any ideas?"

"I do." the Doctor replied with a grin.

Clara had a bad feeling about this.

Over the next two and a half hours, the Doctor re-enacted as many episodes of _Spongebob Squarepants_ as he could, line for line. His gravelly, Scottish voice's attempts at mimicking the yellow sponge's voice seemed to be causing Danny actual, physical pain. Clara thought he was overreacting, but she did agree that it sounded wrong. "Please stop," Danny groaned, "before my ears bleed."

"Danny, it's fine." Clara tried to reassure him. "He does weird stuff like this all the time."

"Why _Spongebob Squarepants_, though?" Danny asked. "It's a stupid cartoon."

The Doctor huffed indignantly. "You, PE, are a man sorely lacking in taste."

"Maths!" Danny said angrily. "I teach _maths_, and my name is Danny Pink!"

"I don't believe you." the Doctor replied. "I should challenge you to a math bee!"

"Both of you, just shut up!" Clara snapped.

Both men turned to look at the petite female. Suddenly, there was the sound of the TARDIS materializing and both the Doctor and Clara let out twin sighs of relief. The Time Lord hurried over and planted a kiss on the machine's door, which caused the Impossible Girl to roll her eyes. The Doctor unlocked the door and let the two in. The Doctor smirked at Danny and said, "Anything to ask, PE?"

"Maths." Danny corrected. "And yes. Where's the loo?"

"Four doors down the left corridor, then turn right. Four doors that way, turn right again, and it'll be two doors down to the left." The Doctor said, waving a hand nonchalantly.

Clara shivered, still cold from the planet. "I hate cold planets." She said. "I'm still cold."

Clara suddenly heard the sound of clothing rustling. She looked at the Doctor and saw that he was taking of his jacket. He then put it on Clara's shoulders. Due to the size difference between the two of them, it looked a little oversized on her. She looked up at the Time Lord, who cleared his throat and said, "To warm you up. Can't have your little human body getting sick."

Clara smiled at the Doctor and said, "Thanks, Doctor."

The Doctor returned a smile with a gentle, affectionate look in his eyes. Clara didn't realize that she had that same expression on her face. She happened to glance in Danny's direction and saw that he was glaring venomously at the Doctor. Without a word, he turned and headed off to find the facilities. Clara looked at the Time Lord. "Well," the Doctor said as he headed over to pilot the TARDIS, "Time to get you home."

"Yeah, that would be nice." Clara said. "Please make the same day we left. I..."

Clara glanced in the direction in which Danny had gone. "I have a date tomorrow, hopefully on a day that hasn't been ruined by aliens."

The Doctor's face fell. "Oh." He said as the TARDIS landed in front of Danny's flat. "Well, you and PE have fun."

"I will." Clara said softly.

When Danny left, he shot another glare at the Doctor and slammed the door shut behind him. Clara let out a soft sigh. When they arrived at her flat, the Doctor opened the door to let her out. Just outside the TARDIS' door, Clara handed the Doctor's jacket back to him. "Thanks." She said, turning slightly pink. "For the coat, I mean. You're a good friend."

The Doctor's expression seemed to darken at the word 'friend'. "Right." he said. "Anything for a _friend_."

The Time Lord left no time for Clara to decipher that reaction when he shut the door behind him and, moments later, dematerialized the TARDIS.

ooooooooooooooooooooooo

_The Bite_

_7:00 PM, the next day_

Clara trudged through the swamp, a frustrated look on her face. Still, she refused to let this ruin her day. Why had the Doctor decided to pick her up today, of all days? Still, the lure of adventure had been too much to resist. It was hard to say no to an adventure. "This place smells." Clara said with a frown.

"Of course it smells." the Doctor said. "It's a swamp."

"You didn't say that the Green Trail of Bifflefiffle was in a swamp." Clara said, sounding rather annoyed.

"It's not in a swamp." the Doctor said. He paused before adding, "Well, it won't be a swamp 400 years from now."

"You sent us to the wrong time _again_?" Clara groaned.

"It was a slip of the finger!" the Doctor said defensively.

"Your fingers are pretty slippery, then." Clara retorted.

"You shouldn't be complaining." the Doctor said. "The flowers at night are beautiful and it's perfectly safe if you don't mind the hickeyhoos."

"What's a hickeyhoo?" Clara asked.

"They're a highly venomous leech-like alien." the Doctor explained. "The effects of the venom vary according to species."

"Venomous leeches." Clara sighed. "Great. Just great."

"If it's any consolation, I have soap that will remove any odor." the Doctor said comfortingly. "It's on the TARDIS, which is about a half a kilometer away."

"I'll need a shower after this." Clara admitted.

Suddenly, a slimy, black blur shot from the water and fastened itself onto Clara's neck. She could feel it suctioning onto her but she grabbed it and yanked it off. The Doctor hurried over to her and examined her. "It didn't break the skin." he said. "You didn't get any venom."

"Was that a hickeyhoo?" Clara asked.

"Yes." the Doctor replied. "It was a big one, too."

"Let's just get back to the TARDIS." Clara sighed.

ooooooooooooooooooooo

It had taken a long shower to get all of the swamp gunk and odor off of her body, but she managed. The mirror in the bathroom was all fogged up, so she used her compact to apply her eyeliner and mascara. She brushed her hair and put a nice black bodycon dress on and a pair of heels. She stepped out into the console room and saw the Doctor, who gave her an appraising look. He raised his brows, which, to Clara, was a clear sign of approval. "You know the address of the restaurant, right?" Clara questioned.

"Yes." the Doctor said. "I can take you there in time for your _date_ with _PE_."

"His name is Danny." Clara corrected.

"Whatever." the Doctor huffed as he transported the TARDIS to a few blocks away from the restaurant. "I still think I should challenge him to a math bee."

Clara rolled her eyes and said, "_Good night_, Doctor."

She then left the TARDIS. When she arrived, she gave her name and was pointed towards the table where Danny was sitting. The maths teacher smiled as his girlfriend sat down and said, "You look gorgeous tonight."

Clara smiled and said, "So do you."

"All right." Danny said. "The server will be here soon. Do you know what you want to drink?"

"I've heard that his place has raspberry sparkling water." Clara said.

As she was speaking, Clara took off her jacket. Danny then began to stare at her with a look of utter confusion. That confusion then turned to despair, and then to anger. "Clara." Danny said tightly. "May I speak with you outside?"

"Danny, is something wrong?" Clara asked.

"Outside. Please." Danny said, his voice still tight.

The server arrived and Clara told the server, "We'll be back in a minute."

The couple then stepped outside. "Clara, I've had it." Danny said angrily. "I thought that maybe I was just being jealous for nothing, but I was clearly wrong. I know what you and the Doctor have been doing. I can see it right in front of me."

"Danny, what are you talking about?" Clara asked.

"It's on your neck, Clara!" Danny barked.

Clara pulled her compact out of her purse and opened it, using the mirror to look at her neck. Right on the side of her neck, right where the hickeyhoo had attached, was what looked like a large love bite. Clara gasped and looked back at her boyfriend. "Danny, it's not what it looks like. I can explain-"

"We're through, Clara." Danny said tightly. "Call an Uber. Whatever. I can't even look at you right now."

Not leaving any time for Clara to reply, the maths teacher got into his car and drove away. Still numb with shock from having been broken up with so abruptly, she took out her phone and called the one man she knew she could trust. Within seconds after she hung up, the TARDIS materialized in front of her. The door opened and Clara stepped in. When the door closed behind her, the tears began to fall. "Clara?" the Doctor questioned. "Clara, what's wrong?"

"He broke up with me." Clara sobbed.

"Oh." the Doctor said.

After thinking about it for a second, the Time Lord activated his Attack Eyebrows, which of course were not directed at his companion. "What kind of idiot would do that?"

"He saw the hickeyhoo bite." Clara said softly.

"What kind of human would get upset over seeing someone with a hickeyhoo bite?" the Doctor asked.

"He thought it was a love bite." Clara said. "From someone else."

"Who?" the Doctor asked.

"You." Clara replied, looking down so she would not have to meet the Doctor's eyes. She let out a soft laugh and said, "With as much as I've been thinking about you and ignoring him, I can't say that I'm surprised."

"You think about me?" The Doctor seemed puzzled.

"Yeah." Clara admitted.

"But I'm not..." The Doctor looked at her sadly. "I'm not _him_ anymore."

"Whatever face you wear, you're still the Doctor." Clara said. "You know me better than anyone else. You're..."

She gently placed a hand on the Time Lord's cheek. "You're _my_ Doctor."

To Clara's surprise, the Doctor leaned into her touch. "He doesn't deserve you." the Time Lord murmured.

Clara laughed self-depreciatingly. "He didn't even give me a good-night kiss."

The Doctor threaded his fingers through Clara's and said, "There's still hope for a good-night kiss... if you want."

"I'd be happy for any sort of good-night kiss right now." Chara still sounded upset. "Doctor, just take me home."

The Time Lord nodded and headed over to the console. He input the coordinates before pulling a lever and sending them to Clara's flat. When she opened the door, she saw that the TARDIS was in her bedroom. She turned to see the Doctor, who was suddenly directly behind her. She was about to say something when he suddenly leaned forward and gave her a gentle kiss. He looked at Clara with a tender expression in his eyes as he whispered against her lips, "Good night, Clara Oswald."

_The Kiss_

ooooooooooooooooooo

**For the record, my phone's home screen isn't furry porn. It's a blue and red dildo. If you guess my password, you deserve to be made uncomfortable. **


End file.
